Cultivating a Composed, Calm and Compassionate Self in Times of Uncertainty
Two nights ago, I had a very vivid, Land of Oz dream about a tornado. My 12-year-old daughter and I saw it in the distance and as it came closer and closer, it became clearer and clearer that we could not outrun it. I recall feeling a sense of anxiety as I grabbed onto her and pulled her into me, face-to-face, heart-to-heart, squeezing her as tightly as I could. As the tornado pulled us up and into its center, further and further, instead of becoming more afraid, I became calmer and calmer until I felt a deep sense of peace. I held her tight with the reassurance that only a mother can give. Then, as dreams often resolve abruptly, the tornado dropped us gently back to the ground seconds later, and I woke up, not with a startle, but with a palpable sense of inner peace and confidence in my role as a mother and in my ability to stay grounded regardless of what is swirling around us.
“We all have our very own soundtrack to our lives that plays on repeat and often we don’t even realize it’s playing—like a television left on while we sleep.”
Over the last several months I’ve been focused on the study of resilience—or equanimity as it is known in mindfulness communities. This quality of the heart (equanimity) that is calm, composed and non-reactive, despite swirling chaos, can be cultivated within us. The simple truth is that as humans, we can expect hard things. We will get sick, we will care for our aging parents, we will navigate heartbreak, and we will deal with personality conflicts in the workplace. However, the greatest pressure and stress is most often generated internally. It is created by ourselves. In our minds we replay experiences from our past, enact whole scenes and stories about future interactions, and often ruminate about how we aren’t doing enough in our lives.
We all have our very own soundtrack to our lives that plays on repeat and often we don’t even realize it’s playing—like a television left on while we sleep.
The good news is, we can awaken this ability in our lives. We are not at the mercy of this soundtrack of reactivity and stress. We now know we can change cognitive patterns in our brain. Thanks to the work of Dr. Richie Davidson at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, we have fMRI evidence that we not only have the cognitive ability to think differently, but we can alter the neuropathways in our brain using mindfulness meditation as the catalyst for transformation. This means that we do not have to be not stuck in feelings of sadness, fear, negativity, or resentment. Through a shift in our mindset, we can become more resilient and adaptable. We can be better parents, partners, co-workers and friends. We can ultimately feel happier in our lives. In essence, we can create happiness from the inside out.
If we create a daily practice of intention, presence and discipline, we can maintain a sense of peace, calm, and connection despite the challenges inherent to the human experience, especially in the workplace.
And while we cannot control the outcome of our actions, we can create the conditions for contentment and resilience—and this is something we can achieve with relative ease.
Creating the conditions for equanimity is sort of like preparing your home for winter (something all-to-familiar for us in Minnesota). We don’t know what the weather will be, so we prepare by ordering and stacking wood, buying salt for the ice and having a shovel on-the-ready. In this same way, you can prepare your mind and heart for any harsh conditions that might arrive that are out of your control.
Adding a daily morning 5-minute meditation for grounding that includes an opening intention is the single most effective way to change your mindset—and to prepare your heart for anything. It’s like add logs to the fire; it is the tending of your heart self. Clinical Psychologist and Insight Meditation Center luminary Tara Brach is one of my favorite mindfulness teachers. She offers her guided meditations freely on Spotify and on her YouTube channel.
Adding a daily morning 5-minute meditation for grounding that includes an opening intention is the single most effective way to change your mindset—and to prepare your heart for anything. It’s like adding logs to the fire; it is the tending of your heart self.
Second, throughout your day, when you find yourself feeling the “winds” of stress setting a chill down your back, you can simply pause for a moment and repeat this compassion blessing for yourself:
May I be happy. May I be well.
May I be free from pain and suffering.
May I live my life with joy and ease.
Wishing you presence, calm and confidence today and always,
- Katrina
“You are the sky. Everything else – it's just the weather.” - Pema Chodron
