Doing it Scared

I’ve been thinking a lot about the word “brave” lately. Mostly about the things we deem as people showing bravery or being brave and frankly, I think we have it wrong. When I joined the Navy at 19, many people called me brave. But was I brave, or just blissfully unaware of how fragile life really is? I think it was the latter.

Even after those planes hit the Twin Towers and our whole world seemed to shatter in an instant, it never really felt like I was risking my life at any given moment. I was much more committed to doing my part and defending this dear country of mine, but it still didn’t feel like a “brave” act. It was just my “duty”.

Some would say I was “fearless” to be willing to risk my life (and I was willing), to serve in a military force that isn’t exactly known for being kind to women (and I still have those scars to heal- but that’s another story) and to leave home without any real sense of what the future held (but don’t we all at some point?). Is fearless the same as brave? I don’t think it is.

Kristi with a group of fellow Command Career Counselor graduates in San Diego.

You see, I believe that to be brave means to face our fears – no matter how big or small – and to do the thing that scares the sh!t out of us! Over the last six years, I think I have done things that required much more bravery than any single day of my almost 12 years in the military. In fact, as I type this, I am sitting on a cruise ship off the coast of Alaska where a couple days ago I did one of the bravest things I think I have ever done.

So, what was this huge act of bravery? I rode the sky tram in Juneau, Alaska up the side of a mountain ascending 1,800 feet in 6 minutes. For most of the people on the ride with me, this was not an act of bravery. They had no fear. For me, I was exercising every brave muscle I had in my body! I was terrified with a capital T! Six minutes of trusting the engineers that built the sky tram, six minutes of believing that every safety check had been performed, six minutes of convincing myself that thousands of people ride this every day and that we were not about to plumet to our deaths in front of all of Juneau to see.

And then I FINALLY arrived at the top and I was greeted with the mostly insanely beautiful views I have ever seen in my 40+ years on this earth! I would wager that I have traveled more than the average 40 something person, so I feel like I can confidently say this was a pretty epic view. AND there was the elation I felt - I was so proud of myself for making the journey as it was totally worth it. And then you know what happened? I had to get back on that rickety thing in the sky and go back DOWN! Ah!! (Okay, in full disclosure it was far from rickety and probably one of the safest sky trams in the world – but still!)

This photo doesn’t even come close to showing how beautiful the view really was!

 On the journey down, there was a younger woman that was clearly just as terrified as me, but she also had a second battle to fight. Because unfortunately, she was surrounded by “friends” who were teasing her and taking video of what was likely the scariest moment in her life. Seeing her kindred spirit, I looked over her and said, “I’m scared too. We can be scared together.” Her friends went quiet, turned off the video and she gave me a weak smile. She knew we were in this together.  

Last month, my business partner, Katrina, shared how we can build our courage muscle in her article “The Real Work of a Leader is Found in The Heart: Building Your Courage Muscle”.  If you haven’t read it yet, I encourage you to do so. She gives some great advice on how we can face our fears and show up as our authentic selves. The thing I love about this is that when we do that, we are also allowing others to do the same. And what greater gift can we give than that?

As leaders, as parents, as citizens of this world, we need to be brave not just for ourselves, but so others can be brave too. So, here’s my request – let’s stop assuming how bravery plays out in people’s lives. Let’s celebrate when people conquer their fear, or at least face it without running away, instead of telling them “it’s not that bad” or to “suck it up”. Let’s model bravery in all the different ways it can show in our lives for those that need to see us “do it scared” so they can experience those same epic views that only come when we take on something we are not quite sure we can do.  

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