Remembering Dayton Hultgren, Conscious, Compassionate Leader & Mentor
HBH Consultants in 2011: Dianne McCarthy, Bob Bunger, Katrina Pierson and Dayton Hultgren. Photo by Aimee Jobe.
There is a rare occasion that some of us are lucky enough to experience in our lives: meeting a mentor who sees you, who takes you under their wing—who sees all of the goodness and potential you possess and makes it their personal aim to play a role in helping you become the very best version of yourself.
Dayton Hultgren was one of these people. I remember the very first time I met him. I was late arriving at Perkins to meet him and my business partners-to-be, Dianne McCarthy and Bob Bunger. I had driven to the wrong Perkins in classic-Katrina fashion and was probably 20 minutes late by the time I flew into the restaurant, my mind all wrapped up like an anxious caramel roll. "What kind of impression am I making?” This was the chance of a lifetime for me….
Dayton and Dianne met me without any judgment. I remember seeing the kindness in Dayton’s eyes—an understanding, a clarity, and an invitation to simply take a breath and settle into the wonder of the present moment and the new connection we were making.
I believe that what sets the extraordinary humans apart from the rest of us is an ability and a commitment to choose. To choose to respond through one’s values vs. react from one’s initial patterned emotions. Sure, Dayton may have felt annoyed, disrespected, and in a hurry. Yet, he chose to meet me with empathy, understanding and a genuine curiosity about me and my life, despite the circumstances.
Dayton passed on from this life on September 29 at the age of 91. And while knowing his body is no longer with us on this earth brings me deep sorrow, I feel a deep sense of peace and gratitude knowing he lived with an intentionality that touched so many lives.
In honor of Dayton—and the life he committed to service and philanthropy; I’ve reflected on some of the seeds he planted in me through his lived values. I wonder how much better off we’d all be if we could consciously live just one or two of these beliefs that imbued his daily living and the way he showed up in relationship to others—and most importantly, himself.
Lessons from Dayton's Legacy
Family is everything. Dayton never, ever forgot the reason we all sat around the table: to take care of our families. Sure, we were there to connect with each other, to find purpose and meaning, to make an impact on community. But he always prioritized his family and encouraged us all to do the same, without exception.
The best gratitude is paying it forward. Dayton had a profound sense of gratitude for his career—for the education he felt lucky to receive, and as a result, he believed it was his responsibility to educate and support others on their own fundraising path, without asking for anything in return. This gratitude, in turn, inspired others to reflect on their own good fortunes and be generous with their resources. In a culture where focusing on self-enhancement and climbing all of the ladders, Dayton persevered as an agent of change through a commitment to serving others.
We always have a choice about how to respond. Dayton had seemingly mastered the art of responding vs. reacting. He had clearly believed and practiced Victor Frankl’s lesson to us all: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Listening is a powerful healer. Whenever I had a problem or issue in my life or with a project, Dayton likely could have just told me what to do given his years of wisdom. But he only offered advice when I directly asked for it. He believed in my ability to solve my own problems and knew the best way to support my growth and development was to hold space for me to feel heard through listening and non-judgement and to come to my own solutions.
Kindness is durable, everlasting and transformative. When projects didn’t go as planned Dayton didn’t get discouraged, take things personally or blame others. He made kindness an intentional meditation and practice in his daily life. He did the work of lovingkindness toward himself first (perhaps known in the Christian faith as giving oneself grace) and I think it was precisely this work of self-love that enabled him to show up with a genuine kindness toward others: nonjudgement, curiosity and the authentic desire to help his friends and colleagues.
Thank you to Dayton’s son, Steve Hultgren, for sharing these beautiful photos with us.
I am grateful to have crossed and shared paths with Dayton in this lifetime and for the legacy of work and love I am continually inspired by. He will be missed and remembered for this lifetime and so many more.
Dayton, thank you for showing me what philanthropy is: a love of humankind.
